Organized Living

4 Benefits of Silence and Solitude

| Ester

Sometimes I catch myself thinking silence is not important and actually a waste of my precious time. There are always chores to do, people to communicate with and ‘busi-ness’ to busy myself with.

If life is so short, why bother sitting still once or twice a day? Why be alone if I can relate to and have fun with others? Why be idle if I can be working?

The Benedictine monks as well as the author and priest Henri Nouwen (in his book Out of Solitude*) recognized the value of silence and solitude.

Let’s look at four benefits of silence and solitude according to monks and Henri Nouwen:

Silence as antidote to impulsiveness and lack of focus

Noise spreads my focus thin, silence enhances it. If my mind is like a laser beam, I am sharper, more focused and present in and after a period of silence.

Distraction is a post-modern public enemy and we need silence as a healthy antidote, to stop the addictive yearning for always more stimuli.

“Silence requires the discipline to recognize the urge to get up and go again as a temptation to look elsewhere for what is close at hand.” Henri Nouwen

Silence as a way to my emotions and my heart

Sitting still and listening revives my strength and restores my emotional balance. I tap into new energy at the source when I find “the freedom to stroll in my own inner yard, and to rake up the leaves there and clear the paths so I can easily find the way to my heart.” (H.N.)

Silence to find order and peace, make a ‘cozy home’

Silence is a gift to myself, reconnecting to a power greater than me, someone I call God, just as the Benedictines and Nouwen do. A way of really being present.
When I am not ‘home’ in my own heart, who can I receive there?

“Slowly and surely you will discover an order and familiarity which deepens your longing to stay home”
H.N.

Silence to learn to listen

Listening to something or someone greater than ourselves  requires turning inward instead of being in a constant reactive state.
We might receive an intuitive thought or helpful guidance when we ‘just’ sit still for a while.
Being attentive to another person is another fruit I can reap from spending time in silence and solitude.

“Hearken continually within thine heart, O son, giving attentive ear to the precepts of thy master.”
(Prologue Rule of Benedict)

I’ve noticed that my habit of being still morning and evening is developing, now that I’ve grown accustomed to a big change in my life.

I love living this life, seasoned with some Benedictine flavour!

How are you doing this week, developing some Benedictine habits?

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Spread the word, word of mouth rocks!

Ester

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Benedict Project 4: Healthy routines

| Ester

Starting my new part-time job, I noticed my freshly implemented routines are starting to be shaken up little.
Time to get back on track, the Benedictine way!

One of the key-factors to getting back into the saddle, is going to bed on time every night! I say, going to bed on time every night!

That, and establishing new routines while ingraining the other ones.

If you are interested in learning about the daily routines of a Benedictine monk, you can check out the website of the Münster Schwarzach monastery, of which best-selling author, ‘spiritual guru’ and Benedict monk Anselm Grün is the financial manager*.

New routines to implement:

  • Tiny morning and evening meditation.

Nothing too big or lofty, or else I’ll easily slip into austrich mode. Starting small, spending 5 minutes in my meditation room, taking it easy. In my busy life, it’s so easy to get carried away by all the hustle and bustle. That’s why I’m taking time to stop, think, pray, BE STILL. My soul needs that kind of counteraction on a daily basis.

  • Social media-free Sunday (my resting day), on which I take time for my husband, pets, God and creativity or nature activities to charge up for the week ahead.

Routines to further practice:

  • going to bed early
  • getting up on time every morning
  • evening routine: no computer after 7.15/7.30 pm(start relaxing mode)
    • preparing for the day to come: clothes, check agenda, prepare bag and lunch. Flylady has invaluable advice for you on this as well.
    • clean for 15 min: do a quick tidy up of the house, feed the animals.

This way I hope to have time for more meditation and prayer in the evening, gain some balance and stay out of the claws of  ‘zombying out‘ on internet.

Let me know how you’re doing with the changes you’ve made or intended to make. Love to hear and learn from you!

Please take a minute to leave a comment now, I’d really appreciate it!

And if you like what you’ve read, go ahead and sign up for the e-mail list or via rss!! Thanks for supporting me, it means a lot…
love and peace,
Ester
You can also find me on: Facebook, Google + or Twitter.
*cellarar

The Benedict Project 3: Time Management Tips

| Ester

A few weeks into my Benedict Project I’m coming to the insight that getting up in the morning and going to bed at night at more or less fixed times is actually hugely depending on the art of starting and stopping a previous task.

Given my passionate and somewhat impulsive nature, I have a big tendency to get carried away by the latest and the loudest. Often times I start an internet task (like: research for my blog) and find a thousand more interesting things, which I clip onto my Evernote or (even more addictingly) pin on Pinterest or share on Facebook.
Very often I get so swept away that

  1. I get into procrastination mode
  2. my task doesn’t get done
  3. I experience a gnawing sense of being lost, of emptiness and failure
  4. the distractions are not even fun anymore and are guilt-inducing
  5. I have the feeling time is slipping away…leaking away..and I am wasting my life

Benedictine monks have several fixed tasks during the day, like: praying, working, meditating, reading and studying. They are never short on time!
Why is that?
They don’t carry on reading a particular good piece of literature “because it is so compelling”, they don’t continue praying “because they’re not done yet”, they don’t prolong their meditation time, “because they’re spacing out so nicely”, they don’t drag on with Mass “because working is less important”, they don’t study longer than scheduled “because they’ve procrastinated and have to catch up”, they don’t continue working after the alotted time “because work is not finished yet”.

How refreshing and counter-cultural is that, in a world where 60 hour workweeks seem to be the norm and working through the night is considered virtuous and ambitious? But the monks don’t ignore the bells and neither should you, if you want a to live a more productive, frictionless and spiritual life.

“But as soon as the first signal for None is made, let each and all break off from their work and be ready by the time the second signal has sounded.”- Rule of Benedict

Benedictine monks stick to their daily routine like velcro and know how important it is to start on time and stop on time, making mental space for the next task.

This goes against my human nature. I want to quit things I find hard or boring and I want to prolong things that give me pleasure as long as possible. How freeing it must be to develop a healthy Benedictine sense of discipline, character and time management.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

An added benefit of starting and stopping properly is that I am never “idle“.
Benedict already knew:

“Idleness is inimical* to the soul; and therefore the brethren ought to be occupied, at fixed seasons, with manual work and again at fixed seasons with spiritual reading.”

I’ve noticed that my productivity is inversely proportional to the time I seem to be having. I seem to get less productive because I get idle or lazy by thinking I have all the time in the world, and I actually function better with deadlines and setting my timer for tasks.

Practical suggestions:

  • keep a kitchen timer or your phone with you at all times and consciously start each activity, alotting a specific time for it before you begin and setting your timer.
  • STOP when the timer goes off! Be still!
    Make some notes of where you’ve stopped and wish to continue next time, to make starting again easier.
  • Prepare for the next task, be conscious and aware, creating space in your head
  • Set your timer for the next task (or resting period)… and so on

Let me know if you’re implementing Benedictine time management into your own life and what your experiences are in the comments section. I’d love to hear from you!

Please take a minute to leave a comment now.

And if you like what you’ve read, go ahead and sign up for the e-mail list or via rss!! Thanks for supporting me, it means a lot…

love and peace,

Ester

You can also find me on: Facebook, Google + or Twitter.

You can find my previous posts of the Benedict Project here:

Benedict Project 2012: a sneak peak

Benedict Project 1: getting up in the morning

Benedict Project 2: going to bed on time

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the Benedict Project 2: Going to bed on time

| Ester

After two weeks of attempting to get up early, I learned three things:

  1. I am powerless over snoozing and getting up late in general and I can only ask God to take it away from me
  2. it helps if I go to bed 9 hours before I have to get up
  3. it is about progress, not perfection (it does NOT help to beat myself up over it)

It humbled me to experience, that not everything I put my mind to is happening the way I want it too. I have to follow God’s guidance .

Hearken continually within thine heart, O son, giving attentive ear to the precepts of thy master [God]*

I will accept myself, but I will strive for more anyway. Gretchen Rubin puts it like this:

Although I have not yet succeeded in getting up early in the morning, I gained some valuable insights and I will continue to press on, adding a second goal: going to bed on time in the evening.

I’ve been having a great conversation with a reader the past weeks, who made some clever suggestions to make going to bed easier:

  • a 20-30 minute walk before sleep/ shut down the computer at 8:30 pm
  • no more snacks/cookies in the evening
  • drinking a decaffeinated cup of tea

I’d recommend herbal tea with chamomile, lavender or valerian, like Pukka’s Night time blend… Coffee is definitely a no-go for me!

My idea is to make the time before I go to bed an unwinding, closing ritual, inspired by the Benedictine Monks.

5 pm**: the monks have their sunset evening prayer service called Vespers

6 pm: dinner in silence while one monk reads something from Scripture or other literature

7-8 pm: Benedict prescribes the silent reading of ‘edifying literature’ in the evening by the monks in their cells (rooms).

8 pm: End of the day-prayers are said: Compline.
Afterwards Great Silence is observed: everybody goes to their rooms and is completely silent.

What speaks to me about the monks’ ritual is that they stick to a fixed bedtime, which is part of their daily ‘order’ or schedule. What also appeals to me is the strict application of silence in the Benedictine routine.
I’d love to experience in my own life the kind of freedom those ‘restrictions’ must give in the mind and the body.

Keeping all this wisdom in mind, I’ve come to a proposition for myself for this week, which I hope to develop into an evening ritual.

  • EAT 6:15 pm dinner. Note: after dinner: no computer!!
  • READ 6:45 pm Bible reading and prayer with my husband (my ‘Vespers‘)
  • CLEAN 7:00 pm cleaning up: 15 minutes kitchen and 15 minutes tidying the living room
  • FREE 7:30 – 8:30 pm free time to: hang out with husband and animals, read, take a luxury bath, call a friend, write a letter, drink herbal tea, listen to classical music…
  • PREPARE 8:30 pm prepare lunch and backpack for next day, pick clothes for next day, look at my appointments, feed the rabbits / tidy their cages
  • WALK 9:00 pm walk the dog (unhurried and in gratitude of the day)
  • CLEAN ME 9:30 pm wash, put on pj’s, write in 1-sentence journal
  • PRAY 9:50 pm short prayer and 5 minutes of silent meditation in my ‘meditation room’: my ‘Compline‘. I hope to expand the prayer and meditation in the future, but I want to start small to create a habit.
  • SLEEP 10 pm: in bed and eyes closed ;-). The Great Silence has begun!

I need 9 hours sleep nowadays, so this means I will be able to get up at 7am if I’ll stick to my bedtime routine.

For inspiration, I have composed a ‘Morning Moodboard‘ and a ‘Time To Go To bed-Moodboard’  at Pinterest.

Let me know your proposed evening ritual and let’s encourage each other for 1,5 week to stick to it and share our experience in the comments.

Please take a minute to leave a comment now, I’d really appreciate it!
And if you like what you’ve read, go ahead and sign up for the e-mail list or via rss!! Thanks for supporting me, it means a lot…
love and peace,
Ester
You can also find me on: Facebook, Google + or Twitter.

p.s.: If you want to read more about this topic: Gretchen Rubin just happened to write the post: ‘I can never go to bed on time!’, featuring an awesome video.

* Rule of Benedict: Prologue

** the times of the day vary a little in each monastery but are the same each day.

the Benedict Project 1: Getting up in the morning

| Ester

This morning I got up at 7:00 a.m. It felt great because:

  • I am more productive
  • I have more tranquility in the morning: save myself from hurry and indecision.
  • I have time for a morning devotional time
  • I feel better about myself, and don’t feel so sluggish.

It’s high time for me to make this a habit.

“Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.”

Shaquille O’Neal

I found some motivation to make this a habit in Benedict’s Rule.

‘Let us therefore now at length rise up as the Scripture incites us when it says: “Now is the hour for us to arise from sleep.” And with our eyes open to the divine light, let us with astonished ears listen to the admonition of God’s voice daily crying out (…)Run while ye have the light of life, that the shades of death envelop you not.’

The Benedictine monks have a strict daily routine, started off daily with getting up early. When I was on a Benedictine retreat, I got to experience some of the benefits these monks have of:
a) rising early
b) rising the same time everyday
c) rising with a purpose

I felt so empowered, focused and proactive.
But why is it to hard for me to get up then everyday?

There’ve been times when my life wasn’t so happy and peaceful as it was right now in my 30s. As a kid, I used to have stomach aches in the morning, because I didn’t want to go to school. That’s where I learned that to snooze under the warm cozy fluffy covers was the safe thing to do.
Not anymore! I’m not in fear of anything or anyone anymore in the morning. I am able to live now! Nowadays, I have so much to look forward to:

  • My Chihuahua dog greeting me heartily, like I’ve been away for two months.
  • Writing with passion.
  • Experiencing another start of the day: with new possibility, new strength and a clean slate.
  • Connecting with God and receiving guidance.
  • An awesome breakfast with a nearly perfect cappuccino or caffe latte, from my espresso machine with electric milk heater/foamer.

There is absolutely no reason to stay in the safety of my bed anymore, my life is better than it ever has been and I want to honor that life, and the Creator who gave it to me, by getting up without complaining, full of gratitude.

You snooze you lose. Live now, procrastinate later.-

Karen Salmansohn

I love quotes, they inspire me and motivate me.

My goal is to get up this week six days out of seven at 7:00. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Tips and tricks I’m gonna use:

  • setting my alarm in the evening to go to bed on time
  • setting my alarm clock in the morning at 7:00 (outside of my bedroom!)
  • Cold-turkey rising: no snoozin’! get going immediately
  • Sharing with others about it, to hold myself accountable.
  • Choosing one indulgence to do for 15 minutes as a reward when I get up (for example: playing with Pinterest or Listography) as an immediate reward. Yes folks, that’s the way my brain works: instant gratification!

Please take a minute to leave a comment below, I’d really appreciate it!

And if you’d like to follow my blog, go ahead and sign up for the e-mail list or via rss. Thanks for supporting me that way!

love and peace,

Ester

You can also find me on: Facebook or Twitter.

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PMS-Survival Plan

| Ester

Dear ladies,

Know that you are not alone when suddenly you want to rip someone’s head of, kick in a door, scream at your hubbie or are in puddles when you see a dead bird on the street, when all you wanna do is lie in bed, feel sorry for yourself or binge on all things sugar….and feel like a bloated hippo afterward.

Every month, a week before the Flo hits us, we become bitchy, bawling beasts: doctors call it simply: PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome), but with us and our significant others it is also known as:

Pretty Much Screwed
Potentially More Scary
Pouting, Moaning & Sleepy
Period Men Suffer
Poor Me Syndrom

On a more serious note, there’s also a more severe version of PMS called PMDD: Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder*, where PMS really starts to interfere with your work, home or health. Sort of: PMS on steroids.
Symptoms include:

  • markedly depressed mood, feelings of hopelessness, or self-deprecating thoughts
  • marked anxiety, tension, feelings of being “keyed up” or “on edge”
  • marked affective lability (e.g., feeling suddenly sad or tearful or increased sensitivity to rejection)
  • persistent and marked anger or irritability or increased interpersonal conflicts
  • decreased interest in usual activities (e.g., blogging, household, friends, hobbies)
  • subjective sense of difficulty in concentrating
  • lethargy, easy fatigability, or marked lack of energy
  • marked change in appetite, overeating, or specific food cravings (sugar)
  • hypersomnia or insomnia
  • a subjective sense of being overwhelmed or out of control
  • other physical symptoms, such as breast tenderness or swelling, headaches, joint or muscle pain, a sensation of bloating,” weight gain*

Even though with ‘regular PMS’ you have somewhat milder symptoms than the ones above: This ‘ain’t no fun’!

But there is hope, my sister!

After having been completely harrassed by the PMS-monster for the umptieth time, I decided it was time for action! (do you also hear ‘Eye of the Tiger’ playing or is that just my imagination?)

I turned the internet upside down and read a lot of stories from women with the same experiences as me.
Here are my suggestions for you! Take what you like and leave the rest.

  • STOP – take a breath
  • Pray for help / meditate
  • Awareness Acceptance and Surrender!
  • Try and enjoy a moment for yourself
  • Track your pms-symptoms on a pms-tracker online and put a reminder on the estimated first day of your pms.
  • Take it easy on the sugar and flour, ESPECIALLY CHOCOLATE
  • Dress nicely even if you don’t feel like it.
  • Only one cup of coffee a day, if you’re a regular coffee-gourmet like me
  • Take candle-lit baths, loads of them: with organic or natural products or with essential oils like lavender to soothe and calm, or citrussy stuff like orange, red mandarin, grapefruit or bergamot to lift your mood**
  • Stick to your daily routines even more now. You need structure to keep you sane. You can find wonderful, empowering and heartwarming tips from Flylady on the internet. ‘Fly’ stands for Finally Loving Yourself.
  • Talk to other women to vent your emotions and don’t throw it all on your significant other / hubbie or journal.
  • Place your expectations of yourself way lower for this period of time.
  • Get some fresh air AND MOVE (dog-walking is awesome).
  • Don’t handle difficult stuff: just postpone it if possible and put a reminder for your post period days to make an important decision or change.
  • Play! Be creative: draw self-encouraging images or texts on paper, do origami for beginners, sew something easy and fun, read calming, inspiring books or websites.
  • Stick to a healthy diet: lots of veggies, fruit, protein, complex carbs, and good fats (with healthy omegas*).
  • Cuddle dog or bunnies, any animal is fine als long as it is soft and cuddly. (I mean, don’t try this with your goldfish).
  • Listen to upbeat or calming music (no depressing stuff please.)
  • Watch funny movies. Here’s a list.

Let me know what works for you!

Leave a comment below, on Twitter or on Facebook.

Don’t forget:

And this is for the men:

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breaking the P-cycle

| Ester
lorianderson-quotes.blogspot.com

Lately I have been struggling greatly with Procrastination and Perfectionism. I seem to just flatline when I’m thinking I either have to be perfect or just sit in my chair, stare, do nothing and feel bad about myself. Good or bad, black or white.

Today I read something very fantastic in a daily email from www.flylady.com.
Let me first say that Flylady (FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself) is a sweethearted lady who helps you manage your home again in tiny babysteps, while loving yourself instead of beating yourself up.
It is a very fun website with incredibly helpful tools and I am currently doing the beginner babysteps of housecleaning & organizing, to keep me from getting into the Procrastination and Perfectionism cycle.

So today I read this awesome entry about there being two other P’s associated with Perfectionism and Procrastination, so all credit for the 4-P idea goes to Karen, a Flybaby from Tennessee and to Flylady for her advice and resources.(I’ve also added a fifth P)

Pride

The first P Karen says is for Pride, which wants you to set too high standards for myself (oh yeah baby!). I tend to do that a lot with household stuff, or my to-dolist for the day or week. I always cram in way too many things.

Perfectionism

The second P is Perfectionism, which is the result of setting the bar too high in the first place. With me this is closely related to never feeling good enough. It’s definitely gotten better the last years, but when I am hungry, angry, lonely or tired, or (God forbid) PMS-ing (you ladies know what I’m talkin’ ’bout…), then I tend to slide back to this horrible P to try to regain control my life (of course, in vain).

“You cannot open a flower with a sledgehammer” –

Bob Wilson

Pressure

The third P is the inevitable selfdestructive Pressure you’ll be on then, resulting in negative self-talk, spiraling down to feeling like crap and behaving that way as well.

Procrastination

Fourthly there’s mr. Procrastination. Now I think there’s good and bad Procrastination. Good Procrastination is letting your mind wander, daydream, do nothing and get creative.

Bad Procrastination is the result of negative self-talk, self-condemnation, being stuck in a irrealisticly high expectation of yourself, perfectionistically disabling yourself from doing ANYthing ANYmore.

In this state (where I was in yesterday afternoon) my muscles turn to jell-o, and I feel like a boneless chicken , not able to think, not able to move, I was even crying out of sheer self-imposed helplessness and inertia.

Punishment

At rock bottom of this process I’d add a final and utterly sad fifth P: Punishment of myself. That’s when you actively start thinking horrible thoughts about yourself and punishing yourself in your thoughts.

Like:
“I am good for nothing; I cannot do anything right; I am worthless; I am lazy ; I am a bad person, I am not worth being on this planet.”
Recognize those bugger-thoughts?Time to turn it round!

I know that these negative thoughts are so self-destructive, they prevent me from being the me I am supposed to be, they increase my stress levels, decrease my quality of life.
Who am I to say that I am not good? I am God’s beloved creation!

Awareness, Acceptance, Action

But I know that if I am to beat this nasty P-cycle, I first have to be aware they are there, drink a cup of acceptance-tea with them, gently usher them out of the door and start praying to my God and saying healing and healthy thoughts to myself (action).

Now be nice to yourselves today and go replace them nasty P-s with nice ones!

Patience, Pleasure, Potential, Pampering, Pleased, Peacefulness, Prayer, Passion, Perseverance, Peace, Possibility, Positivity, Praise, Pureness, Playfulness and you are PRECIOUS!

If you like what you read, please take a minute to leave a comment below, follow me on Twitter or visit my Facebook page. Thank you! Spread the positive word!

Zen dog

| Ester

My dog Kiara is my mindfulness teacher. I’ll tell you why!
In her cute little doggie universum, all that counts is the here and the now.

  1. She doesn’t even think about the past, although I adopted her from Canary Islands and she didn’t have a past of roses and doggiebones.
  2. The thing that makes her most happy is being together with her two bosses Martin and Ester. When the pack is complete she goes bonkers with joy!
  3. When she is tired she naps.
  4. She loves routines and cosy dogbaskets or fluffy pillows.
  5. She doesn’t think about the future much, that I know of anyway…
  6. She certainly does not care about what other people may think of her!

Yesterday it all came together:
Martin, Kiara and I went upstairs to our guest/study/movie-room to watch the BBC documentary ‘Life’. As we lay on the guest bed, Kiara snuggled tightly between our legs and went into a deep doggie meditated relaxation. Snout down in the pillows and blankies.
It was so peaceful for us: the documentary, the cosy relaxed dog, romantic us. Really simple life, mindful en enjoying every minute!

Please leave a comment below or tweet me, I’d really appreciate that. What do you do to be mindful and have a simple life?

If you’re Dutch, check out my Dutch blog Groen en Lief.

Related post: about me and my rabbits: ” The spiritual power of next action thinking”.

The drawing is from awesome artist Edward Monkton. Do visit his site!